Portrait of an Adult Bully

Most Adult Bullies would be diagnosed with Narcissist Personality Disorder. “Narcissists often seem to be the people who have everything– talent, wealth, beauty, health, and power . . .” (James F. Masterson, M.D. All following quotes are his as well.) He goes on to demonstrate how this personality disorder is based on a defensive false self that the individual must keep inflated (at all costs). This cost always includes other people. Underneath this defensive false self is someone who is miserable and deeply insecure. Continue reading

How Bullies Bully

Abusers will also “gaslight” their past. They typically have a history of failed relationships that they loudly blame on the inadequacies of the other. Bullies tend to jump from one relationship into another, not being able to handle the responsibility of solitude and aloneness. Basically, they need someone close-in to bully. Continue reading

The Antidote to Indifference

Indifference turns us away from situations that are innately intimate and often uncomfortable. We may choose indifference because we somehow want to shut out people or experiences from getting into our hearts and minds. I learned in my youth to use indifference as a way to protect and defend myself. In my indifference I could walk away without having risked anything. Where it may have protected me in some past lethal situations, to have this as a habitual response only holds me back from true intimacy. Indifference prevents me from truly exploring places and peoples, and even the internal landscape of my own heart and mind. It makes me less vulnerable.
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For the Writer in You

“Not words of routine this song of mine, But abruptly to question, to leap beyond yet nearer bring.” –Walt Whitman After the making of breakfasts, and the hours, days, years of working, after the losses and dealing with aging or sickness, after putting the baby to sleep, getting the daughter off to school, after the love-making and the arguing, after the garden has been planted, weeded and harvested, after the son has been married and the animals vaccinated, after the house has been repainted and tree planted, after the second diploma, after teaching others, healing others, after the filling of … Continue reading

True Grit

We need grit for everything from making that thousandth breakfast to finishing the novel. We need grit to raise a child well. We need grit to raise our self properly. We need grit to keep to our meditation practice. We need grit to create something new among all our losses and mistakes. We need grit to fight against the voices that try to steal our spirit. Continue reading

In the Name of Love

You can claim all sorts of hideous actions as patriotic or loving when they are neither. Apparently you can “love” someone you don’t even respect. When you hold an affinity for someone, respect is part of the equation. I am not suggesting that you replace saying, “I have an affinity for you,” in place of, “I love you.” Just the same, if you did it may lead to a very intriguing and worthwhile conversation. In comparison, the words “I love you” are thrown about like compliments at a wedding. We build assumptions on the words, “I love you,” while too often lacking in an authentic connection with the other.
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The Beautiful Thing Is

The beauty in keeping a spiritual journal is that it holds our creative and spiritual fires. Journal writing creates. A spiritual journal will help you find that well or oasis in the desert, making life even more beautiful. Spiritual Journaling is conscious writing; you hold an intention while you write. The intention may be to witness something, or to gain clarity, or to build on an idea. Continue reading

The Reason I Still Pray

I had already long ago rejected the concept of fear as a motivation to take a given path or to practice one’s spiritual principles. Although it was disappointing to have teachers I regard as Masters and advanced practitioners rely on fear as a motivator, I still could not embrace it. It simply does not work for me. (And hasn’t since three decades ago when a Baptist minister condemned me to hell for challenging his precepts.) Furthermore, I would not promote fear as a tool with my clients or students. Continue reading